Who am I writing for
Yesterday it happened again that I was reading stuff from other people and got demotivated. But then I reminded myself that while I enjoy writing for others, and enjoy the idea of fame and whathaveyou, that is not my goal. I don't want that to be my goal; I refuse for it to be. My goal is just that of doing something I enjoy. Of writing, and in the process get to know myself better, to allow change, and improve at something I like.
I asked myself, "who am I writing for?". As part of my process I went online to see if anyone else had written anything about this topic and found one post in particular that resonated with me: a post by Mathina Calliope. She says that there are three different categories of writers, differentiated by their motivations. Quote:
- self-expression and creative fulfillment
- sharing information, entertainment, and/or inspiration
- calling readers to action (e.g. political, spiritual, commercial)
All my previous attempts at keeping a blog fell squarely on the second point (mainly informative or wannabe-philosophical posts), and they didn't go very well. I found my motivation quickly plummeted and I was getting little satisfaction out of the content I was creating.
I think I had the misfortune of coming up in a marketing world, and as such my blogs were that kind of blog trying to make interesting content with the goal of getting more visitors. They didn't have a soul. I think I didn't really know why I was doing it and ended up using completely the wrong motivation.
It wasn't until I stumbled on Bearblog, and especially on the blogs of tiramisu and eve, that my eyes were opened to the fact there is another kinds of blogging, ones in which there is no real outcome besides self expression.
This blog is different. It is true I think of a subset of people when I write, I have a platonic audience so to say, which more or less modulates my voice and the amount of detail I go into. But it is very different than anything I've done before in that this is done mainly for myself. Except for the first few posts I did, I try not to care about what I'll write, I just write it and then publish it. Sometimes what I publish is useful to others, sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's extremely superficial. I try not to care.
Anyway, coming back to Mathina's post, shortly after these categories she answers my question quite directly.
... we write to connect. We have something to say and want others to hear it.
It is somewhat contradictory to what I've been saying but it has the ring of truth to my ears. If I were only writing (entirely) for myself then I wouldn't bother with having a blog at all. I wouldn't make the effort in posting these ramblings online. The true reason I'm writing is, as Mathina says, to connect with others. I know I have things I want to say, I feel a pressure inside me wanting to get these things out. I don't know what these are yet, but that's why I write. To uncover, and hopefully in the process to connect with others.
In some way it's a twisted exercise in self-gratification, but that doesn't mean it's worthless. I sometimes feel like a stone caked with mud and clay, and my job with these pages is to slowly chip away the clay, wash the mud with a river of ink, to finally uncover the lumpy, weirdly-shaped stone inside. What I'll do with it once I've set it free? I don't know. Maybe show it to others?
~ Take care 🌱