It is possible to create out of a place of sadness

12 Jan, 2024

I've always had this notion that you need to be happy in order to create beautiful things. I sometimes admonish myself for not feeling joyful. Sometimes I also don't create if I'm feeling down because I feel like whatever comes out won't be as good¹. Here I'm mainly thinking in the context of writing.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, lately I've been watching the 10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki documentary. I think we can all agree that his stories are genius, inspiring, and all-around wonderful. He's possibly one of the best storytellers in our modern world, and definitely one of the ones I like most.

Prior to watching the documentary I always assumed he was a happy person. I thought he must be in order to be able to create such wondrous worlds, such moving stories.

Well, it turns out I was mistaken. He's not miserable-always-depressed, but in the documentary we definitely see him having some ups and downs. He's mostly a grumpy person, and many times in the documentary he states that he has a hard time being happy in his daily life.

How then can he create with such beauty? I thought. My original assumption that sublime creation can only occur when one is happy was mistaken, of course. I think that all his bad experiences, and his general sadness about the world, are themselves his most important qualities. They're the things from which he draws forth the need to prove to others (and maybe to himself) that being alive is beautiful. What I would consider to be his bad parts (such an inappropriate word, bad) are his compost heap with which he nurtures his ideas and dreams, and then shares them for all to partake in.

"Yet, even amidst the hatred and carnage, life is still worth living. It is possible for wonderful encounters and beautiful things to exist" he says in one of the episodes while talking about why he makes movies. Another was "I would like to make a film to tell children "it's good to be alive".

This idea of having a wholesome kind of entertainments is something that he keeps going back to again and again throughout the documentary (perhaps this is strongly related to what he says about there being no sense in creating something without a soul?).

Anyway, while the above is all pure conjecture, this way of looking at one of my favorite storytellers is definitely positive for me. If he can use his sadness to create, then so can I, so can we all. There's no need to beat myself up about how I feel, there is wisdom to be found everywhere if one allows oneself to look for it. And more importantly: it is ok to be sad sometimes.

I don't know why but I've always had this feeling that if I work hard there might eventually come a day when I will no longer experience sadness, when my days will be full of joy and happiness. It's sobering to think that this is most likely never going to happen. Of course, I can deal with my insecurities, fears, and whatnot, and in general grow and become a better person, but I'll never live in a stream of constant happiness. I would venture to say that no human ever will. And that's ok.

Funny writing this down. I feel like I'm seeing something that has been in front of me for a long time. So close that I didn't see it in fact.

Accepting this is liberating. It means that the feeling I have that I need to first attain this state of everlasting-happiness to be able to live my best life, to do the things I want to do, that feeling is not to be listened to. Instead, I can do everything right now, accepting who I am right now, and also accepting that things are in constant change / growth.

Putting your life on hold while waiting to be a better version of yourself is limiting to your present self, and directly prevents you from being that better self you want to be.

Whew. Sorry for the digression there.

I was looking a bit online and found many people have posted screenshots of the 10 Year with Hayao Miyazaki documentary, many of which highlight how sometimes he's unhappy and that's ok.

I'm sharing some of them here (taken from this Reddit post). I want to stress that these might bias you into thinking he's a chronically depressed person, I don't think he is. Instead, I think he's a well balanced person.

~ Take care, and remember to be kind to yourself 🌈